Yesterday I was busy withdrawing 100 dollars at the ATM to pay for my “lost key” fee (along with all of the late fees attached that had piled up over the last few months) when I was struck with an epiphany. In light of the recent MU fire, safety has been of the utmost importance amongst many students. Should ramps be built in the MU to cater to those relegated to a wheel chair, even though the majority of buildings across the country lack such a feature? Should sprinkler systems be integrated into the structure on all floors? These questions are dwarfed by a much more pressing issue. How safe is it in your private money room? I say this because I am genuinely concerned that the rising level of green papers (graced with the likes of great men of our time such as Andrew Jackson, Benji and of course Abe the great emancipator and unifier) will soon be reaching shoulder height, and quickly closing in on the vital air passages. At least these are predictions based on the intelligence that my advisors tell me. But how are you to bathe in the crisp waters of currency when your own health is at risk? Well, I have a proposal – A snorkel would briefly provide access to the precious oxygen above, but this is only a quick fix. A more permeant solution would be some kind of surface supplied air that would be pumped in from outside. But even better yet a self-contained underwater breathing apparatus (or SCUBA) would provide you the freedom to move about in the room without the restrictions of cumbersome hoses. Please, in these trying times, you cannot always be so heroic. You must look out for your own safety. You musn’t be so humble, sir. Regards,Bryan S.